Thursday, May 5, 2011

Journal // Comfort

 >>one of those nights where you all of a sudden realize where you are... realize where you were a year ago... it's like black and white, then and now... and you wonder, could now and then possibly be any more different?  the comfort ceases to exist when reminded of what was once comfortable.  tonight... suddenly, i'm out of my element.  i am where i was then, but stuck in now... wondering how and when everything changed.  where was i when black turned white? a split second incognizable to the conscious mind... or a gradation of shades so infinitesimal that a distinct point in between is unidentifiable... where the drastic change of black to white is discounted to a gray state of consciousness - vague to memory, and in the essence of every moment.  tonight is a night where all i have is white, and nothing will suit me but black.<<

I journaled this thought on the 23rd of January, 2007.  Despite all cards in hand being entirely different, I couldn't feel more similarly at this very moment.  Looking back on the cards in hand then and now, something tells me the feeling will be more transient on this day than it was four years ago... but it could not feel less so at the moment.  In moments like these, the magnitude of feeling behind the flow of consciousness is such that you cannot, in your heart of hearts, mind of minds, imagine feeling any other way.

One of those nights... where you find yourself... incapacitated.